INT - Jerry's Apartment - Present Day
Jerry is watching sports on television.
The door swings open. It is Kramer.
Kramer
There you are!
Jerry
What? What is it?
Kramer
I'm waiting?
Jerry(Getting annoyed)
For what?
KRAMER
Oh like you don't know.
Jerry
I know many things Kramer. This is not one of them.
Kramer
You screwed me over again Seinfeld!
Jerry
So what's that, ten thoushand to one?
KRAMER
You really did it this time boy.
JERRY
Kramer! Make sense!
KRAMER
You told Audrey about Mindy.
JERRY
Who about who?
KRAMER
(long pause) *raises hand finger first* George!!!!
Kramer runs out of the apartment.
Jerry shakes his head.
The door buzzes.
JERRY
State your business.
ELAINE
Prositution.
JERRY
Ah the hooker I ordered. Come on up.
ELAINE
Hooker? You're the one dating three women.
JERRY
There's a lot of Jerry to go around. Come on up.
Kramer comes swinging in through the door again.
KRAMER
Tell me!
Jerry
Tell you what?
KRAMER
I want to believe Jerry. Oh god how I want to believe.
JERRY
Make sense!!!
KRAMER
Did you or did you not tell Audrey about Mindy?
JERRY
First off, Audrey? Who are you dating, your nan?
And second of, Mindy? Who else are you dating, a barbie doll?
KRAMER
Tell me the truth Jerry.
JERRY
Kramer....
KRAMER *rises right eye brow*
Jerry...
Elanine walks in.
ELAINE
Hey guys.
KRAMER
Not now Elaine. Come back later. Me and Jerry...we have some talking to do.
ELAINE
What? What is this?
JERRY
Oh the stupid idiot is convinced I've finked on him.
ELAINE
Finked?
JERRY
Ratted him out.
ELAINE
I know what finked means, I mean finked about what?
KRAMER
Oh like you don't know.
ELAINE
Me!? What did I do?
KRAMER
It's all making perfect sense now. You get rid of Audrey, and get rid of Mindy, so you can Jerry
all to your self!
Ackward pause.
ELAINE
But they're your girlfriends?
KRAMER
That's what you'd like me to believe.
JERRY
Ok as fun as this is, I'm late for a whipping.
KRAMER
A whipping?
JERRY
I was being...
KRAMER
That's illegal Jerry.
KRAMER
Then call the cops.
ELAINE
Are you feeling alright Kramer? You're acting even more you than usual.
KRAMER
Even more me? Who else could I be hunny? (winks in his funny way)
Kramer pivots and walks out feeling pretty swuave.
The buzzer rings.
JERRY
Friend or foe?
George
Henry the eigth.
Jerry
Ah your majesty, we have been expecting your visit.
ELAINE
(laughs) You better have my card George.
JERRY
Card?
ELAINE
Oh I forgot my plastic at Monk's. George found it.
JERRY
George has control of your finances? That's like giving the keys to norad to bozo.
ELAINE
What could he have done?
KRAMER (O.S)
George! You really blew it boy!
Mumbling argument sounds.
Door opens, george is looking back shouting things at Kramer.
George
Can you believe this guy?
Jerry
I believe in extra-terrestials. I believe we were probably created by
some higher power. I also believe the nicks could win the penant.
But Kramer?
Elaine
You got it?
George(pause for thought)
Got what?
ELAINE
Oh George! My credit card!
George
*pause* Oh right right.
ELAINE
Where is it?
GEORGE
(covering mouth) My mother's.
ELAINE
What?
GEORGE
(coughing) My mother's.
ELAINE
Your mother's? Oh George I need it for lunch tomorrow!
GEORGE
What lunch? Eat an apple.
ELAINE
An apple? (looks disgusted) Who am I? Eve?
JERRY
(pauses to consider if he should make the joke he is thinking of) (shakes his head) Come on let's eat.
GEORGE
I chipped my tooth this morning.
JERRY
I told you not to use a metal spoon.
GEORGE
Has anyone ever told you you're funny?
JERRY
Yes (grins)
GEORGE
Well aren't you special. With your hip shoes!
ELAINE
Alright you mary's, to eat. A chance to....(clears her thoart)
GEORGE
Some jokes don't have good endings do they?
JERRY
I don't know, my jokes always get laughs.
GEORGE
Har har har.
JERRY
Behind all sarcasm is a little truth George.
They shut the door.
