Futurama -
Episode 8x01 (Not officially :) lol)
"Braniganman"
INT - FRY'S APARTMENT - THE YEAR 3000
Fry is in bed, having a very vivid, very important dream.
FRY
Fries with that please.
He tussles and turns
His mobile rings to the theme tune of The Simpsons, futuristic techno style.
FRY (Jumping up)
Huh!?
He turns to the communicator and pushes connect.
FRY
This better be Leela.
BENDER
What you talkin bout? Come on fry, you're late for work.
FRY
And you care?
BENDER
Not officially, no. But it makes me look bad.
FRY
Why's that?
BENDER
New work initiative. We each get a sponser to make sure you we do our work.
FRY
....A what?
BENDER
That's what I asked.
FRY
Meh, alright.
BENDER
Brng beer.
FRY
Yeah yeah the usual.
BENDER
Damn right. My fuel cells are dangerously sober.
FRY
Oh right, and they are alcohol based?
BENDER
Well no, coffee would work but that doesn't get you toasted.
FRY
Ah huh. I'm on my way.,
BENDER
Beer!!
FRY
Alright! Alright!
EXT - SPACE, THE FINAL FRONTIER - CONTINOUS
We are outside Branigan's ship. He is speaking to the captain's log.
BRANIGAN
Captain's log, stardate, Today.
We are on a mission of exploration. Kiff's here too.
And...(INTERUPPTED)
KIFF
Uh sir?
BRANIGAN
*loud groan* What now, my martian sidekick?
KIFF
The dilithium chambers are empty.
BRANIGAN
Again!?
KIFF
Yes.
BRANIGAN
Damn it Kiff. How am I expected to break bread with leaders of new worls, when we don't even have any fuel?
KIFF
A good point sir. You bet it all against a date with the alien princess of Nuroba.
BRANIGAN
An equally fair point. You may leave now.
KIFF
The fuel sir?
BRANIGAN
A good man makes his own fuel Kiff.
KIFF
*pause* What does that mean?
BRANIGAN
Precisely dear Kiff, exactly.
TWO BEATS
INT - THE SHIPYARD, LATER THAT DAY
PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH
Good news everyone.
BENDER LEELA FRY ZOIDBERG HERMES
Oh god. Oh crap. *bleep* Oy! Zombie Jesus.
FARNSWORTH
Yes, exciting news indeed.
BENDER
Can I leave my motors to robot science?
FARNSWORTH
We have a mission of mercy. Captain Branigan (Leela rolls her eyes) needs re-fueling...
BENDER
That's not too bad actually.
FARNSWORTH
...in the galaxy of terror.
BENDER
Yep.
TWO BEATS
FARNSWORTH
Don't worry, it's just a name.
FRY
No space monsters?
BENDER
No space dragons?
ZOIDBERG
No space Simon Cowells?
HERMES
No thing of unimaginable terror?
Farnsworth gestures the small shrink sign with his hands.
FARNSWORTH
A little.
FRY
It's a good job there's a Jesus. (Leela and hermes nods and agrees)
ZOIDBERG
It's a good job there's a crab lord.
TELLY
*quietly* It's a good job there's a allah.
BENDER
*pause* Oh great. Thanks.
FARNSWORTH
What's wrong?
BENDER
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Can we hurry up and get ourselfs killed already?
FARNSWORTH
That's the spirit!
BENDER walks away mumbling to himself disgruntled.
BEAT
FRY
So Leela...
Leela (resolutely
No.
FRY
You didn't let me finish?
LEELA
Were you going to ask me out on a date?
FRY
....No. I was going to ask you...for......some gum.
LEELA
I'm all out.
FRY *walks away sobbing*
Just my luck.
ZOIDBERG
Oy he wanted that gum.
LEELA
He'll find another pack.
ZOIDBERG
Silly humans. *walks away shaking his head*
FARNSWORTH
Have fun!
LEELA
We'll bring you back something.
She said sarcastically.
INT - BRANIGAN'S SHIP - LATER THAT DAY
BRANIGAN
A fine wine.
KIFF
It's orenge juice.
BRANIGAN
Yes of course. Had you not pointed that out I would have to send you to the brig.
KIFF
Why?
BRANIGAN
A man who can't tell wine from orenge juice is bad enough. An alien who can't is risking insurrection.
KIFF
What on earth are you talking about? Err, sir.
BRANIGAN
Wise words. Wise words.
KIFF
Your orders sir?
BRANIGAN
Steady as she goes.
KIFF
We're not moving.
BRANIGAN
Ah stillness. A fine strategem.
KIFF
Are you sure we shoudln't contact command?
BRANIGAN
MEH! They'll court martial me again.
KIFF
For running out of fuel?
BRANIGAN
That's just what they'll say.Minus the question mark, and with "You are being court martialed..." preceeding it.
KIFF
Ah huh. Chess?
BRANIGAN
A cadet's game Kiff. No. We'll play a game so stratigic it requires all the cunning and guile of a man's mind.
Drafts!
KIFF
Oh dear.
EXT - Outside the ship. The Planet Express approaching slowly.
LEELA
This is the starship express. It's mission? To rescue your sorry ass again Branigan.
BRANIGAN
Ah my dear sweet leela.
LEELA *almost throws up*
Yeah... Can we get on with this?
BRANIGAN
Why rush love?
LEELA
Why rush a visit to intensive care?
BRANIGAN
Thrust and perry! HAH! Come aboard!
They begin docking procedure.
LEELA
Fry you stand in front of me. Bender you stand in front of fry. Hermes, in front of bender.
ZOIDBERG
What about me?
LEELA
What about you?
He lowers his head sadly.
LEELA
OK OK in front of hermes!
ZOIDBERG
Yay i'm useful!
They form a line in front of Leela.
The door pulls open to reveal branigan. showing more skin than a french escort.
BRANIGAN
There you....where are you?
LEELA(O.S)
Over here.
BRANIGAN
Ah such a voice. It could be the madonnas.
KIFF
Lady madonna?
BRANIGAN
Of course not. That's silly. The pop star who is now just a head in a jar.
KIFF
You'll have to narrow it down sir.
BRANIGAN
You know the one, they used computers to arficially enhance her singing?
KIFF
That reduces the count by about 6. Any more clues?
BRANIGAN
She married out of the need to be famous, rather than love?
KIFF
Nope not helping.
BRANIGAN
She holidays in Africa?
KIFF
Oh. Her.
BRANIGAN
What's with you today Kiff?
KIFF
Alien fatigure sir.
LEELA
Err, not to interrupt the boy's club but we have a load of steaming hot dilithium here.
BRANIGAN
Dilithium?
LEELA
The fuel that powers your starship?
BRANIGAN
Ah yes. Important stuff. That.
But first, we must celeberate life! By getting drunk and forgetting it!
LEELA
A fine plan.
BRANIGAN
Then let's celeberate
LEELA
Oh with you? No. no no no. No. NO!
BRANIGAN
I'm not hearing no...
LEELA
Turn up your aid.
BRANIGAN
Hah! Come Kiff, let's eat.
KIFF
The fuel sir?
BRANIGAN
Huh?
KIFF
For the engines? So we can proceed on to our mission?
BRANIGAN
Our mission?
LEELA
Oh for the love of...Here take the fuel!
She passes him the sign pad.
BRANIGAN stares it.
It's remarkable. Just this amount of fuel can power an whole star ship.
LEELA
Sign here. *points at the device*
BRANIGAN
You might think I'm embarrased. But I'm not.
LEELA
Sign there.
BRANIGAN
Showing up a starship captain huh. Well well well Leela. You turned to the dark side faster than a storm tropper.
LEELA
Let me guess. We're under arrest. Again.
BRANIGAN
For a jedi, you are smart.
KIFF
The brig is full sir.
BRANIGAN
Full? Impossible.
KIFF
You placed the kitchen staff under arrest for over cooking your porridge. You called it the greatest act of muinity since Paul left the Beatles.
BRANIGAN
Ah yes. Then we'll build a new brig. Out of....porridge.
KIFF
That makes no sense.
BRAINGAN
No sense? Or all the sense in the world?
KIFF
Nope. none at all.
BRANIGAN
Mutnity. from my own left tennant. I am shocked. Kiff. go to the brig.
KIFF
*shakes head* it's....*shakes head*
LEELA
This is the most horrible mission yet, and I've taken on wasps the size of city busses.
FRY
I'm feeling under valued.
BENDER
Yeah.
HERMES
We're not extras you know.
ZOIDBERG
Speak for yourself *lowers head again*
LEELA
I can't even remember my name.
BRANIGAN
The only real question is, why are you not in the brig?
EVERYONE SHOUTING
It's FULL!
BRANIGAN
Mutinity huh. We'll see about that. Kiff, send them to the brig.
KIFF
I'm joining the space chruch.
LEELA
Woman allowed?
KIFF
No. sorry.
LEELA
Great. Just great.
INT - SPACE PORT, Along far away.
A ship is docking with the port.
It is the robot mafia.
DONBOT
Clamps?
CLAMPS
CLAMPS!!!
DONBOT
I like your gusto, you'll go far. Get me my iron boots.
CLAMPS
Can i use my clamps?
DONBOT
Go with your heart.
CLAMPS
...That's a simpson line?
DONBOT
Well antony is running out of steam :)
lol
i'll probably continue this, it was fun writing it :) most fun i've had writing for a while. morale of the story....any jobs going comed central? :) lol
