INT - RED DWARF, DEEP SPACE - So far in the future words don't do it justice.
Lister is walking down the decks of the mighty dwarf. He is eating pot noodles.
Cat walks along side him.
LISTER
We've invented time travel, stopped Hitler from being born,
invented quantum computing, yet they still can't make a good pot noodle.
CAT
Can't you see I'm busy?
LISTER
Busy? You?
CAT
I resent the implication I'm a one dimensional self obbessed...hey...not bad...
He notices himself in a mirror conviently on the wall.
CAT
Some would say I'm unlucky that woman kind is extinct. But looking at me
right now...they're the unlucky ones.
LISTER
Come on will you, I really don't want to stop and taste this. *gestures pot noodle*
CAT
In a moment. I've never noticed it before but, my ass is amazing.
LISTER
Really?
CAT
It's so taught and firm. like a welsh moutain or...a crocidile's head.
LISTER
Are you done?
CAT
I'm going to need a smoke
LISTER
Come on!
He drags him away from the mirror.
INT - LISTER AND RIMMER'S QUATERS - MOMENT LATERS
Rimmer is playing chess with one of the scutter bugs.
RIMMER
Your move.
The scuttler considers it's move.
It then moves, check-mating Rimmer.
RIMMER
You've always had it in for me havn't you. Sitting there, pretending not to, when all along,
everytime I turn my back you give me the finger don't you?
The scutle bug gestures no left and right.
RIMMER
Marvalous. Ridiculed by a vaccume cleaner. A new low.
LISTER
Partying hard I see rimmer.
RIMMER
Men do not win by partying. Men win by playing chess.
LISTER
Who won?
RIMMER
Winning isn't important.
CAT
Congratulations little guy.
RIMMER
Oh...smeg off.
CAT
We would have invited you to come with us.
RIMMER
Why didn't you?
LISTER
You might have said yes.
RIMMER screws his face up and gives Lister the two finger salute.
RIMMER
And double for you. *quickly points at Cat*
Kryen walks into the room, holding a load of washing.
KRYTEN
Ah humans, perfect.
LISTER
Sorry Krites, this is the only shirt i have with sleeve holes.
CAT
No go metal head, these clothes are washed by hand, in the perfect lighting.
KRYTEN
*pause*Rimmer?
RIMMER
Oh great, it's national 'let's take the piss out of the hologram' day. Brillant.
KRYTEN
Was that good sir?
LISTER
Perfect.
RIMMER
Oh sod off.
CAT
Easy big guy.
RIMMER
Where the hell is holly?
CAT
Hot date?
RIMMER
How do you know it isn't?
CAT
There's no woman left in the universe?
RIMMER
*pause* Besides that?
CAT
It's you?
RIMMER
*pause* And that.
CAT
Oh I don't know, call it a hunch.
RIMMER
Feline bastard.
LISTER
Holly?
HOLLY *appears on the computer monitor. it is the male first holly*
What's up space dudes?
LISTER
Rimmer's being a dick again.
HOLLY
Want me to turn down his battery again?
RIMMER
I think we all proved that wasn't funny the last time. I nearly saw the light.
LISTER
Nah that was a flash light, we were just messing with you.
RIMMER
I am your commanding officer, as such, you will show me the proper respect. Bastard.
LISTER
Yes mam.
RIMMER
Right. Kryten, send him to the brig.
BRANIGAN
The brig? They fixed it?
:) lol
