"Band On The Run"
An Anthony Robert Wells Teleplay
Episode 1x01 - "He fell like Jesus from the cross."
INT - JUPITAR MUSIC STAGE - THE YEAR 2007
We are back-stage. Josh, the guitarist and John, the singer are sitting in luxury bean bags.
JOHN
Don't bring that to the show.
JOSH
What? My immaculate sense of taste? My beautiful manor? My calm and reserved disposition?
JOHN
Yeah - It's a right turn off.
JOSH
I'm Posh. You will learn to accept this John.
JOHN
I'm not.
JOSH
And the sun is hot. These things I know John.
JOHN gets up and walks over to the mini-bar.
JOHN
Drink slag?
JOSH
Yes bore.
He begins making themselfs two drinks.
JOHN
I've got massive sex appeal you know.
JOSH
Oh come now. I'm posh. I get more female attention than a new born baby.
JOHN
Bullocks. I'm a magnet.
JOSH
Yeah to strays.
JOHN
That's not very politically correct Rr calm.
JOSH
Neither's your face but yet there it is.
JOHN
I sing the songs.
JOSH
I write the songs.
JOHN
You think anyone remembers who wrote She Loves You?
JOSH
Yes.
JOHN
OK bad example. I'm a Believer. You think anyone cares?
JOSH
My role is less glamerous, but with greater reward.
JOHN
Oh fuck nuts. I see the way you bleed me back dry.
He hands him his drink and sits beside him.
JOSH
It's a curious notion, I wouldn't call it jealously John.
JOHN
Bullshit. You see the attention I get and your heart sinks.
JOSH
My songs get you that attention.
JOHN
And my voice gives your songs meaning.
JOSH
I'd like to think the lyrics do that.
JOHN
Crapshit.
JOSH
Are you trying to invent new swear words or something?
JOHN
Tosserpots.
JOSH
So yes?
JOHN
*pause* Yes.
Their agent walks in tugging a doobie.
AGENT ZERO
The fuck you guys doing?
JOHN
What? Slag?
AGENT ZERO
The show started five minutes ago.
JOSH
And your point is? We're modern rock stars. We don't show up on time.
AGENT ZERO
You've been here for four hours.
JOHN
And that is utterly embarrasing. We must at least create the illusion of tardiness.
JOSH
Well put John.
AGENT ZERO
Okay guys you're fucking hillarious. Get out on stage now before I tear your contract up and you spend
the rest of your days busking under a bridge.
JOSH
That's got quite a romantic appeal to it.
JOHN
I can picture the bums now.
AGENT ZERO
Why don't you ever take me seriously?
JOHN
You come to a rock concert wearing a suit and you have the cheek to ask that question?
AGENT ZERO
I give up. Hurry up.
JOHN
Fuck off we're drinking. The crowd can wait. They're fans of The Afters.
EXT - CENTRE STAGE -
They walk out. John, Josh and the other guys.
Josh (TO crowd)
Hello my pretties!
JOHN
Jesus you trying to seduce them?
JOHN (To Crowd)
Pardon my sexually frustrated friend. You ready to rock?
CROWD screams in jubilation.
JOSH
We're not a rock band.
JOHN
We're not fucking coldplay!
JOSH
Really? I quite fancy the drummer.
JOHN
Is this really the time for your posh wordplay?
CROWD screams out for a song.
JOHN (To crowd)
Every day you guys wake up. Live the same life. Live the same dream. You look up and pray, and never those answers come. So one day you decide to go to a rock concert. Blow off a little steam and maybe connect a little with your fellow man.
JOSH (To Crowd)
And tonight my brothers and sisters, you are going to do more than that. You are going on a journey. A journey through sound.
They begin playing they're #1 hit, "Hung Like A Butcher" -
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END OF PART 1 - PART 2 to follow if the following 3 things occur. 1)I can be arsed 2)I can be arsed 3) I can be arsed.
I will have to be arsed at least three times or it won't stick :) lol
